I am His beloved!

God is my righteousness.

2011-11-06T09:42:00.000-08:00

I am imperfect. In fact, I have no 'perfect' part in me. At all.

That's why, I need Jesus. I need Him to complete His work in me.

I am eternally righteous because He bought my righteousness with His Son's blood.

Crowned with His Goodness

2011-11-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

He Died so that we might live....

2011-11-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-08-29T09:31:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'll feel this way. I missed them. As parents. Who am I kidding? I love them. I'm complete having them. I love them.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-08-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

2nd night away..

2010-08-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

This is my second night away from the place I called home for the pass seven years. I missed that place.

I'm starting to feel miserable. I couldn't stop thinking about it the entire day. I spent the whole of yesterday and today screaming at the children like some crazy bitch.
Is this just a phase? Like a one to two weeks kinda feeling? Well, I kept telling myself that every place have imperfection. I just have to live with it. Not much of a help I guess.

Another thing is, I wonder if God is still with me? Is moving out a terrible sin I've committed? Like I shouldn't be doing this. Will God just leave me?

Leaving

2010-08-22T06:55:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so bad. So bad for ending this the way I did. Blame it on my 'coward-ness'. I feel like shit. I just give up being with the most perfect family in the whole wide world. Can someone tell me why again. I love them-all. I am the worse human on earth, despite all that they've done for me, I choose to leave them in debt. All because I have too much pride and think I know it all.

Alone

2010-08-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so extremely alone.

Tuition

2010-08-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

It had been a long time since I last blogged about anything. I'm still pretty happy with my job. I now have about 13students whom I'm giving tuition to. Seriously, am I a turtle or what, but I really think that giving tuition is the best job in the whole wide world. That aside, sometimes I really think that some parents are really weird.

I just checked my mail. Came across this assignment from a parent;

Level: P4 EMS
Requirements:
1. To provide certificates for verification
2. Good grades for 'O' and 'A' levels
3. Able to commit for long term
4. Each week 2 or 3 times
5. Tutor - Cheerful personality and able to inspire student to
achieve better in grades and character development
6. Able to teach English composition writing

To top it all, the pay is $25/hr! I thought that's the rate for P1 and P2.
Hmmm.

There is this other P1 girl whom I'm teaching. She's from China. I don't want to judge, but I don't get it when her mother asked if there's any method I can use so her daughter can learn on her own even without me being around. She not only asked me how to teach, she even 'installed' her niece to sit beside me to watch me teach. So that her niece can learn how to tutor that girl. Maybe I'm inexperience, but is this normal? Really?

Those are just some of those teeny weeny drama I face, which is keeping me rather happy. Is it workable to give tuition for life?

Random thoughts

2010-05-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

It all dawn upon me, that I can't teach for nuts. Passion is one thing, having the talent to is another.

For my centre's kids, they didn't do very well. As in like getting A1 for every subject. They all passed though. Only comfort I have is, they used to fail. For those students whom I'm giving tuition to, they've improved. However, students like W, still fail. I really want to make this my career. But can I?

Could it be I'm not well verse with the syllabus enough?

It's Sunday tomorrow. I'm dreading it more than anything. Parents complaint that I'm not teaching enough 'Word'. Well, did I mention this before?I think it's worse to impart the wrong thing about Jesus than not teaching anything. Uncle M talked to me last sunday, I was feeling mad with myself. Really mad. I was angry with myself because I know no effort has been put in for the last two years. Hence, kids' church is stagnant like it is now. I really wish to be like Pastor Lian someday. As in not to be a pastor, but be so good with children. So knowledgable, so wise, so fluent and able to speak to people of ALL ages.

Overworked

2010-05-06T03:45:00.001-07:00

It'd been the most tiring week of my life, since year 2010 started. Morning tuition, afternoon work and tuitions again at night.

It's the students' exams these two weeks, very draining for me. A lot to go through. I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope that somehow they'll excel.

I'm praying that my tuitions will not be disrupted during the holidays. For a week or two is fine, not the whole month kinda thing.

I'm on the bus now, after tuition. Going to work. Honestly speaking, I am very very tired. I feel like just calling it a day and go home and sleep. Oh well..

A very long day!

2010-05-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I worked 14 hours today. Non stop! Now I'm feeling all tired, drained, and the last thing I wanna do is talk.

Left for work at seven, was in centre at 750am. Stuffed the kids breakfast, then sit them down to do some school papers. I have 20kids of different levels, queuing up to ask me questions about their work. Things I taught include how many legs a chicken has. Have to emphasize that it's not four. Sent the kids to shower, then lunch. After which, I'll watched 30 monkeys play in the hall-alone. Have to constantly tell remind them to lower their volume, to share and blah blah blah. After about an hour, I popped in veggie tales for them. By then, it's about 3pm, which was their nap time. Put them to sleep. Brought those who dosen't wanna sleep out to do their assessment. Only after all kids was settled, then N came to help watch those kids who are sleeping. While I watch those studying. Thought I could take a breather, but noooo. Had to teach D, who hates Chinese, his Chinese spelling. Had to be very energetic while he pulled a long face, else he wouldn't learn. After an hour, the ordeal was finally over. At the same time, had to wake kids up to have their tea-break.
Then, break them into their classes. Started teaching again. Went through test papers corrections, gave out more papers, make sure they finish it. Had to mark while teaching. At 630pm, we packed up, and I left.

Rushed for tuition at CDD's place. Started with small D. Watched an taught him to do two full math exam papers in 3hours, and taught C some Chinese sentence construction stuff. CDD's parents default payment by 2weeks already. Not that I mind, but they're always grouchy when paying up.

Reached home only at 1130pm. Showered. V and bf cooked pasta. It was sooo good. Cleaned up a little then showered again.

Tomorrow, I'll have to be up by 830am due to tuition. Starting work at 1230pm till 630pm, then class from 7pm-10pm.
I remembered that I left or rather hated retail due to the long hours. Then what about now?

Dear God, grant me a good night rest and help me face the world tomorrow. :)

2010-05-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people steps on my pillow, especially when I'm sleeping!

Very pissed

2010-05-01T05:04:00.000-07:00

I came home early because that cow cancelled on me again. I came home and saw my brother looking through my stuff. Seriously, I hate it. I don't know why. He's my brother right. My sister was packing the room, she asked me to pack my stuff. But seriously, to where?

Bottom line is, it's either I'm too stressed or I'm just over reacting.

Teaching

2010-04-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

Just got home from the movie-Iron Man 2. It's a 'make you feel good' kind of show.

Spoke to Isaac about life. He recommended that I join the NIE. Which I don't think is attainable, given my qualifications. However, he has a point, I'll have a place to stay. All in all, my biggest regret in life is not doing well for my O Level. It's something I really hated myself for. Oh well.

Beginning my day..

2010-04-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way to work now! After work, tuition at simei, then to ViVoCity to meet A and I!! :)
It'd been so long since we met. :) We're gonna watch Iron Man 2! Yay! ;)

Today

2010-04-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Today went by quite slowly. As usual, went to work, fetched some rascals from M school. Reached the centre, asked kids to go bathe, then shoved some food down their throat. After which, they'll have a little some talk on character building(Which I think is crap), then put them to sleep. At around 4pm, they'll wake up, have their tea break, and then be dismissed into their respective classes. In class, they'll do their school homework, then some centre assessments. That's like the perfect scenario. But noooo! It's the time you'll hear your kids talk endlessly about life. At about 6ish, kids' parents would starting picking them up. It also means it's time for me to go home. Or rather, tuitions.

Today's tuition at Elias green. Happy because my sec 4 NT student is improving. From F9 to A1. Makes me proud. Sad because the P4 brother, whose lazy like f***, might fail his SA1 after all. Which means that I'll look bad. Anyways, my sec4 student was half an hour late for tuition because he forgot all about it. His dad was MAD. His dad said that he wants to stop his tuition if he's not interested in studying. Oh well.

I'm gonna watch IP Man 2 with K, V and AB. :)

Loser

2010-04-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

I called to cancel my morning tuition lesson. Partly because my body's too weak to function, partly because the parents are in the living room, and I feel awkward seeing them. So I pretended to stay in bed till they left. Tell me that I'm crazy, yeah, I know.

Stupid cow!

2010-04-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

I was feeling really lousy, tired and blah blah blah. Went for tuition straight after work. Guess what? Student told me that tuition had to be cancelled because it's his birthday today. Deep inside me, I feel like kicking his balls for making me go all the way down. But, I had to put on a smile and wishes him happpy birthday. Yay!

Overwhelmed

2010-04-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very overwhelmed.

Firstly, by work. Students' exams are just round the corner, as a tutor, I need or supposed to ensure that ALL my students pass with flying colours. Some of my student, like syibril, invented some crap compositions, which I really don't know what to do, but laugh. Like Daryl, who simply forgets every word I say the moment he hears it. I really don't know how. SA1 is supposedly, I guess, the test parents use to judge if it's time to sack that tutor. I can only keep my fingers cross and pray. If they do well, and the parents keep me, it can ONLY be GOD.

Secondly, my schedule. This, I can only blame myself and no one else. I work like 65 hours a week, sometimes more. I dislike my previous job because of the long working hours. Although I kind of enjoy what I'm doing but my school's starting in July. I don't think I can deal with it. I don't want to quit my job or tuition because I don't want to earn any lesser. I'm comfortable with what I'm having. Oh well, I can't have it all, can I? The best thing to do is to quit my job because they pay peanuts, and it's taking up a shitload of my time. However, I seriously love my job! I don't wanna give up tuition either because they're supporting me. And I love being able to support myself.

Thirdly, relationships. I think, for all my glorious 21 years on earth, nothing can bother me as much as relationships. And I have to say, that is one thing I suck at-MOST.
I hate the ways things are going with my parents. Really. Yet, I don't know how to go about it. We haven't been talking since I left VJM. The only time I sees them is on Sunday. I thought I have my sister, but NO. She's very preoccupied with her boyfriend.

Lastly, I need friends. Fun friends. I need a boyfriend too. To have fun with. But, having a boyfriend will have problems of it's own too right?

All the above, I can only pray. I really believe that my GOD is able. :) And I take comfort in that.